posted 09-18-2006 12:36 AM               

Just kidding. This thread isn't about Les Miserables. This thread is about who we really are.
I want to know who you are. And what makes you, you.

I will start.

I am afraid to open up to people. I want more than anything to believe im myself. I think the nickname "kid", is extremly romantic. I believe in the magic of Christmas. I don't fit in. I love the snow. I needto be cared for. I desire love. I lack sense. I think too much. I want to own a bookstore and teach World History. I become paranoid easily. I take in everything you say, and will probaly never forget it. I let out nothing. I express myself through writing. I mistreat myself. I try. I always will love Wicked, and Josh Groban. I have a thing for older men. I run from my light switch to my bed everynight. I have contacts, but like my glasses better. I want to be liked.

I cannot act or sing. I react with passion. I embellish. I adjust well enough. I am easily defeated. I hide behind my sweatshirts, and big hair, glasses, and books. And although I deny it, I know it do it. I sleep with 7 pillows. I push. I pull. I misunderstand. I make mistakes. I stress. I feel like I will never amount to anything. I am considered to be a rich kid. I ache. I believe in chasisty. I restrain. I hold back. I misplace. I wander. I lose. I hold on. I can't help it. I let down. I proceed with caution. I enter at my own risk. I don't know my own strength, won't accept my own weaknesses. I fail. I decline hanging with friends. I debate. I am scared to death of judgement. I argue. I clash. I woulda, coulda, shoulda. I can't, so I won't. But I will, and I know it.

I scheme. I tease. I abuse. I lie. I choke, a lot. I lash out. I victimize. I am a chicken. I take back. I refuse to give up. I blame. I overreact. I have thought about suicide. I have made myself throw up. I take advantage. I descend. I deplete. I deny. I tumble. I fall, a lot. I am a clutz. I pull away. I annoy. I nag. I initiate. I instigate. I deceive. I fight. I cry. I pout. I shout. I scream. I don't understand. I can't take it. I don't care. I plead. I step back. I admit. I bleed. I move forward. I must accept. I need. I let go. I hold on. I can't help it. I never, but I always, and I know it.

I focus on stupid things. I search for myself. I find myself thinking that I am living someone else's story. And then I tell myself, if I was, it would be better. I piece together. I decipher. I balance. I spend timewith my grandmother. I miss my pop pop. I have not been kissed. I wish I have. I tell myself that I haven't been because I am not good enough. I compare. I come close. I compromise. I cooperate. I establish. I try really hard. I love the 50's sofistication deordorant. I singvery loudy, anf poorly to the radio. I settle. I devote. I contribute. I listen. I hear. I see. I smell. I taste. I feel. I inhale. I ... exhale. I need no one. I wish I was someone else. I need everyone. I take nothing. I take anything. I own. I win. I've won. I can't say that I have, won't say that I can't. I find peace. I'm not perfect, and I know it.

I wish. I don't pray. I dream more than I shoud. I will be someone. I buzz with gossip. I glow when I am happy. I flirt. I laugh. I cherish the days. I dance like a fool. And I love it. I leap. I skip. I please. I find joy. I shine. I accept. I console. I sigh. I give praise. I remember. I reflect. I give thanks. I deserve. I work through it. I recover. I can't wait for a man to take notice in the little things I do. I make mental lists of the things he will pay attention too. I love my nails. He wil like my lips. He will tell me he likes my lips.

I help. I assure. I am sorry. I live. I learn. I raise. I grow. I develop. I never let go. I can go on about nothing in particular for a long time. Challenge me to a debate on Anne Boylen, or The Romanovs, I will win. I watch carefully. I live for a certain hug. I love my twin. I love these boards. I hate social events. I love social events. I admire. I love photography. I appreciate. I respect. I love Broadway. I love lyrics. I love my journal. I have a lot. I smile not nearly enough. I look unpleasant. I iolize Mrs Ricards and Katherine Hepburn. I think Susan Sarandon is amazing. I love Raul, Manoel, Matthew, and Norbert. I write all over myself. I can be lazy. I am sneaky. I glide. I fly. I wish I could dance through life. I know that Defying Gravity is what I should do. I think "Green, Green Dress" is an amazing song. I love ol' Blue Eyes. I am me. I am tired. I am going to bed. I will add more as I find more about myself.

posted 09-18-2006 01:13 AM               

I am an eternal optimist. I am a firm believer in music therapy. I am horrible at math and science, but I can write like a fiend. I am a brunette, and yes, we do have more fun. I am an only child, but that doesn't make me spoiled. I am a girly girl who enjoys dressing up, doing her hair, and wearing high heels. I am in awe of people who can walk into a room and command it without saying a word. I am an actress, but not a drama queen. I am book worm, always have been and always will be. I am a shopaholic. I am living without air conditioning. I am C-Note, and don't you forget it. I am a California girl, born and raised. I am a fan of reality TV. I am in love with New York, even though I've never been. I am protective of those I love. I am a Bulldog. I am a Peer Advisor for the class of 2010. I am an English major.

posted 09-18-2006 09:34 AM            

I love to laugh and smile
I am slowly becoming OCD
I love yoga
I have an attitude problem that needs to go away
I want to get up on stage and perform my own songs
I want a Master's Degree in Arts Management one of these days
I love my boyfriend very much
I have an unhealthy obsession with Yankee Candle and Life is Good
I have an even more unhealthy obsession with shoes
I'm addicted to the Gregory Maguire discussion boards
I love to read in my spare time
I love my guitars
I have three tattoos (soon to be four hopefully)
I relate almost everything in life to Family Guy
I sing anytime and anywhere I hear music
I am an obsessive away message checker
I'm desperate to move out of my house
I drive my new car like I belong on a track somewhere

posted 09-18-2006 01:42 PM               

I am a writer. I am a poet. I love creating worlds and stories, places anew. I have a thousand characters in my head, and a million scenarios for them. I want to be taught in an english class someday. (as the classic literary author). I am envious of Mary Shelly. I wish I could write just like Gregory Maguire. I want Gregory Maguire to read my stories someday. I talk like I write. Including saying things like "anew" and "indeed" or even "aye." People don't understand things I write. Sometimes they don't understand how I talk. My best friends have been know to say "you're so freaking weird" because of the way I talk.

I am a yankee. I say "dowg" and "wouder" I like it. I am not innocent. But I am by far not a devil. I enjoy drinking. I am not 21. I have never smoked pot, or done any other drugs. I don't eat eggs. I feel guilty when I eat meat.

I am christian. I love god and jesus. I believe in divinity and of the holy trinity. I pray every night. I pray during the day. I pray for things all the time. I know god listens. I don't understand how people can go through life not believing in god. I don't judge those who don't. I believe marriage is a sanctuary that any person should be allowed to indulge in. I believe that everyone should be allowed to love. I believe everyone has a soul mate. I believe I don't.

I love animals. I prefer their company to the company of poeple, in almost all cases. I like to be alone. I don't like clingy people. I'm not sure how many real friends I have. I am sure that the number I thought were grows smaller each day. My best freind moved to New Jersey. I cried for days when he left. I miss him. My other best freind has changed. I still love her. I just don't know her anymore. I want to. I will.

I've been in love with 3 men. I fall hard. I have only fallen out of love with 1. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for a friend I made online. I'm suicidal. I'm depressed. I'm afraid. I want to die. I would have killed myself years ago, but I keep hoping there's something to live for. I'm afraid there isn't. I don't think I'll ever take my own life. I may. I've wanted to die since I was 6 years old. The first time I attempted suicide was when I was 8. The last was when I was 18.

I watched both of my parents die. I am afraid of blood. I don't like guns. I don't like violence. I cower away from gory movies, and I can't stand seeing anyone in pain. No matter what kind of pain.

I love new york. I have always wnated to go to london. I speak spanish. I want to speak french. I travel. I never want to come home. I want to go to LA, to Chicago, to New Orlens, to Egypt, to Ireland, and I'd like to visit Boston again. I wish I had someone to travel with. I want to meet Idina Menzel.

I have never had sex, and I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me because I haven't. I am the only virgin I know. I want to wait for marriage, yet I probably won't ever get married. I've never had a boyfriend, that wasn't pity. Nobody has ever called me beautiful and meant it. Nobody has ever called me beautiful period. I have only ever kissed 2 boys. Both were from people who only wanted sex. Nobody has ever had a crush on me. Nobody likes my smile.

I would give anything to make my friends happy. One of my best friends is 5 years younger than me. The only people I can really talk to are people online. I wish for more wishes.

I love nature. I hate suburbia. Yet I love the city. I like that it's easy to get lost in the city. And in the forest. I skip class, alot. I think I've ruined my life. I want to drop out of school. I want to leave the country. For good.

I am afraid of dying alone. I will. I want love. I will never have it. I am an adult, but nobody treats me as one.

I love.
I hurt.
I feel.
I cry.
I am.

I don't want to be.

posted 09-18-2006 02:59 PM               

I'm an introvert and slow to make friends. I am outspoken once I get to know people and when with people I'll never see again, but kind of aloof with those I only kind of know.

I wear a beard. This is because I like it, it saves time shaving in the morning and because without it people think I'm ten years younger than I am; when I talk people tend to think I'm ten years older. I've been told that I sound like a philosopher.

My mind is darker than most, though I try not to indulge those thoughts. I don't scare easily with movies, but I am always on guard in unfamiliar surroundings. This is mostly because of what I've seen in my time.

I've found that I'm stronger than most, yet dream of being stronger even though I know that no matter what I do I'll never be strong enough.

I have searched for religion but found none I could give my whole heart to; because of this, I am agnostic. I have great respect for those who have found their faith, but detest the Church.

Years ago I became terrified of death. (My cat was hit by a car) I have since come to terms with every way I could think I might die. I'm still afraid, respectfully, but can accept that my time will come eventually. When it does, I want it to mean something.

I believe that everyone needs to wake up and see the world for what it is. Too many people live under a blanket of either fear or apathy and it sickens me. I believe that everyone should stop being so obsessed with image and just live life and be happy. I weigh 210 lbs, stand 5'10 and have 20 or so lbs I don't need, but I'm healthy, strong and happy with who I am. I'm tired of seeing girls I could snap in half one handed.

posted 09-18-2006 03:10 PM            

Hi, I'm Soul.

I'm wacky when I'm around my friends. I love them all. I love my boyfriend. I don't like my curly hair. I love animals; they make me smile. I love my cat because she's spunky and crazy. I love to laugh. I hate to cry. I don't trust people right away. If someone breaks my trust, I may not be able to trust them again. I worry alot. I think I have anxiety issues because of it. I'm not sure, but I think I've been majorly depressed before, but I wouldn't take my own life. I love Christmas. I have an obsession with South Park and The Office. I hate telemarketers. I'm moody. I love creative arts. I love theater, and I sometimes miss being onstage. Math and science are the devil. I wish Tom Cruise's head would explode. I've been to England, and I want to go back. I would love to go to Japan. I'm honestly disgusted by society at times. I'm very impatient. I had my first kiss at 19, and I'm damn proud of it, because I saved it for someone special, who is now my boyfriend. I'm often jealous of my fifteen-year-old sister because I feel like she has it together more than I do. I don't smoke or drink. I'm flighty. My hearing isn't the best. I'm very sensitive, and sometimes take things too personally. I miss college, and would give my right lung to go back. I hate the corporate world because I think it's fake. I don't like change. I don't like the unfamiliar. I'm terrified of the paranormal. I love french onion soup. I don't like my bed being unmade. I like scented candles.

posted 09-18-2006 04:36 PM               

I have been described as "bohemian" many times because I am a carefree, cynical optimist. I have been known to put off studying for a final to complete a painting or film. I don't eat meat, or animal products. I don't wear leather, any more, and I hate fur. I am a liberal democrat, because I am somewhat of a libertarian, and I believe in the individual person rather than humanity on the whole. I like to write and I hope to be a filmmaker. Or, perhaps, work at a magazine. I do not want to become a corporate stooge working in an office who drives an SUV and drinks american beer.

Though I don't have an organized religion, I am a neo-pagan.

I hate sports.

I am cute.

I am gay.

That is me.

Now I'm bored and I will continue the vapid, neverending cycle which I call live.

posted 09-18-2006 05:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SoulOverflowing:
I love french onion soup.

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Yet another thing!

posted 09-18-2006 05:24 PM               

I am shy. I am outgoing. I am afraid of the world, yet I go out to meet it head on. I am as real as I feel, yet I feel fake. I am an amazingly athletic person, yet I am a klutz when simply walking. I trip over my own feet. I have huge feet. I am a happy person.

I love to ponder. I love music. I love to read. I love that feeling of losing yourself completely as you stare at nothing. I have my head in the clouds a lot. I have a vivid imagination. I enjoy drawing, though I am bad at it.

I am an excellent student. I am above average academically. I do my best to get A's, and the last time I got a B grade was in sixth grade. It was a B+. That was only my third B, and my last. I am a freshman.

I am very hard on myself. I am competetive. I have that fire within me to win everything I can. I am very persistent. I perservere. I do my best to outwork everyone else. I strive to be the best that I can be. I am lazy. I lie around and read and do nothing and eat junk food half the time. I lack the motivation to get up off my butt and do something worthwhile. I get mad at myself.

I am not as approachable as I wish I was. I wish I was that perfect girl, beautiful and nice and cool. I wish I could let myself go completely and simply do whatever I want to. I feel at home almost everywhere, yet nothing quite feels right.

I try to be a good friend, but I'm not sure I am. I am bitchy, I tease people too much, I am pushy. I am nosy. I am annoying. I try to be supportive, but I lack a good way to express sympathy. I wish I was tanner. I wish my hair was longer. I am probably spoiled.

I am the youngest of three girls. I feel alone sometimes. I love my sisters, and at times I get so mad at them it is hard not to blow up at them. I worry about them. I am the baby of the family. I feel like I am the one who gets picked on at home. I feel like I am led to believe that I am imperfect and that I should be perfect.

I am very allergic to dust. I love dogs. I love being outside and just breathing in the air in the woods right after it has rained. I like to mow the lawn.

I am gay and happy that way. I feel secure in that knowledge. I have been kissed before. It was a boy, and very unfortunate. When I was young, I always wished I was a boy. I was incredibly tomboyish for a long time, and still probably am to an extent, though much less. I chopped off my hair in kindergarten, and just now am finally growing it out.

I am Irish, English, Danish, German, and French.

I am confused.

I am a contradiction.

posted 09-18-2006 07:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lostladyknight:
I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for a friend I made online. I'm suicidal. I'm depressed. I'm afraid. I want to die. I would have killed myself years ago, but I keep hoping there's something to live for. I'm afraid there isn't. I don't think I'll ever take my own life. I may. I've wanted to die since I was 6 years old. The first time I attempted suicide was when I was 8. The last was when I was 18.

I don't want to be.

[This message has been edited by lostladyknight (edited 09-18-2006).]

---

Good heavens....

I cannot let such thing be said without responding.

My dear, there is no reason for anyone to feel or think such a thing. Life hurts sometimes, badly, but it will never be so bad as to make you feel that you must end it. Never.

Pain and sorrow are a neccessary part of our experience, of our existence. They can be a source of growth and beauty. Those of us who are artists and storytellers--painters, writers, singers, musicians--can draw our best works from the deepest wells of sorrow.

Perhaps you are receiving some sort of medical or professinal help already, but if you are not then you must. Despair should never linger long enough to become hopelessness. Sorrow should never be overwhelming. If such is the case, then there is a problem that bears immediate addressing, and with proper attention it will be resolved.

Tell someone about what you feel. Your physician, your family, a professor, a school counselor. Look up a psychologist. Get someone to help you and things will get better.

Remember that you are strong, and powerful, and beautiful, and wise. You have weathered all the harshnesses that life has thrown your way thus far. You do have within yourself the wherewithal to pass through whatever darknesses still haunt your steps into peace and safety. You are more than worthy of that journey.

Find someone who can help you on your way, and never, ever give up.

posted 09-19-2006 10:26 PM            

I am a mirror a mirror am I.

posted 09-21-2006 07:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Saint Aelphaba:
I am a condrum.

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posted 09-21-2006 07:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Saint Aelphaba:
I am a condrum.

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Haha, I looked real quick and thought it said "condom".

posted 09-22-2006 07:08 AM            

Anyway...

posted 09-25-2006 02:03 PM               

Anyways...

I appologize for everything. Deep down I'm a bitch, but I'm too cowardly to show it very often. When I do show it I feel guilty. I let people take advantage of me. Deep down I resent myself for doing so. Many times I also resent them. I am really cynical when it comes to people. I've been hurt, so I don't expect things of others. That's a lie. I do expect things. I expect the same consideration I give others. I don't get it. I limit myself to small little expectations. I don't usually get those, either. I see no reason to be patriotic. I'm agnostic. My family will never know it. As much as I hate it, family dictates a lot of my life - I fear disapproval. I give a lot of love. I don't get a whole lot back. I have a huge ego. I don't deny people when they feed my ego. I love to act. I sing loud, but not well. I fear not finding a husband and not having a family. I fear not being a success. That's because I feel that my family expects me to be something great. I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. I'm so perverted that I get smacked on occasion. I'm good at a lot of things. But I'm not good at some things and that frustrates me. I rarely study. I can usually pull off good grades despite not studying. I'm liberal from a conservative family. I can share my beliefs with friends and strangers, but not my family. Bangkok makes me laugh. I'm immature, but mature. I'm old for my age. I am completely different now than I was in high school. I like staying in more than going out. But when I go out I have a good time and wonder why I was going to stay in. Little things bother me. I'm the bad-ass of my friends. That's pathetic. I am self-conscious and confident. I know I am a "good catch." Sometimes I tell myself otherwise. I want a career. I want a family. I could probably be happy as a housewife. I love to cook. I am an asset to anything I put my mind to. I hate feeling that I'm useless. I have dyslexic speaking. I like having a roommate. I like when she's gone. I have a literary mind. I learn a lot through lecture-style teaching. I don't feel like people give me a chance. I hate shaving.

posted 10-01-2006 04:26 PM               

so there is one thing.

edited to say that i DO care about what you all say, because this forum is to share our common interests and therefore i care. so dont hate me, cuz i like to hear what all of you have to say.

posted 04-18-2010 06:55 PM               

I forgot all about this thread. I even forgot that I posted in it a long time. How things have changed, eh?