posted 07-19-2006 03:07 PM               

julia murney, and i look soo fat there

posted 07-19-2006 03:46 PM            

You mean a post about hyper-sexualized youth, parents doing their jobs, and what-not? I don't know if there is a great deal more to be said.

I don't know what it is, but this posting pictures thing is addictive.

posted 07-19-2006 04:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mistress Hibbins:
Oh, you poor dear. (No, not sarcasm; I am NEVER sarcastic. I find sarcasm to be obnoxious.)

You mean a post about hyper-sexualized youth, parents doing their jobs, and what-not? I don't know if there is a great deal more to be said.

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Well I was just going to comment how I do agree with you. I just think that if parents do forbid their children from certain things, the children's desire will then grow, and cause them to rebel. And I think that not many parents are able to take the relationship that you were lucky enough to have with yours, where your mother didn't hesitate to discuss topics with you that most wouldn't.

I also think that your comment about knowing there needs to be something done about, but just aren't sure what, if anything can be, is dead on. This is why parents are trying these alternatives, like letting their children have some sense of freedom, while not actually forbidding them and forcing them to want it even more because it is forbidden.

I loved studying Mass Comm for this reason. Children are force fed thousands of advertisements daily, and they don't know how to shut them out. They want what they see, and what they see is television, and magazines, and what they have become today. I don't think we as individuals can do much about this, it is the image that has been created by society as what is acceptable. Anything less is just not. Children and teenages want to be accepted by their peers, so they do all that they see all day long.

This is where I think that sometimes it does help to incorporate some level of friendship into a parent/child relationship. These parents have to be unafraid to sit their kids down and be able to talk about drugs, sex, violence, relationships, and anything else that is taboo, without clamming up. And they have to be able to gain a level of trust, which won't happen if they act as dictating parents.

Not really sure where I'm going with this post anymore, so I'll just end it here.

posted 07-19-2006 04:30 PM            

And trust, of course, is an important part of any relationship. Of course parents need to build trust by spending quality time with their children, having fun with them, showing them that they love them. But parents must realize that they cannot always be their children's buddies. Parents are authority figures, not peers or equals, and they cannot be afraid to exercise their authority.

As for children rebelling against boundaries, I do know what you are talking about. I know families who have that problem. But all of those families have some very particular qualities in common. The parents spend a great deal of their time trying to be their children's best friends, and their children have always been simultaneously sheltered and undisciplined. These parents have not consistantly, since their children were born, laid out boundaries and STUCK TO THEM. (Pardon the capitals, but my technical abilities are limited and I do not know of any other way to show emphasis.)

If parents have remained firm from the start, they probably will not have too much trouble when their children grow older and they have to lay down new rules. But, if parents have not consistantly enforced their authority, and have yielded to their children's' rebellion or protest, they will face trouble when those children become "tweens" and teenagers. The children will rebel against new rules against dating, drinking, and staying out at all hours essentially because they know that they can end up getting their way.

As a teenager, while I had plenty to rebel against when it came to society at large--I am still a rebel--I never broke my mother's rules concerning dates and curfews and such. Partially because I never felt inclined to, having been raised in an open environment, but also because the law had been firmly laid down since I was an infant, and I knew that rebellion would prove futile.

Of course, having to lay down the law means that parents will sometimes--maybe often--be unpopular with their children. Parents have to be mature enough to handle sometimes being "the bad guy." I know that I have been praising my own mother, but as a child I sometimes thought her oppressive.

Now, naturally, there is such a thing as stifling children. While my mother made rules against things that could actually harm us, we had other freedoms that were sometimes not afforded other children. In my youth, I wasn't allowed to stay out until all hours of the morning, drink, or smoke--but I could speak my mind openly, sketch nude figures, read whatever books I pleased, join my high school's Gay-Straight Alliance, and practice witchcraft.

But look, you've gotten me to start gnawing away at that bone again. I didn't mean to ramble at you; I know that we essentially agree.

posted 07-19-2006 05:01 PM            

I had a friend growing up whose parents are all the same as you are describing up there. They never punished her when she did wrong, they would just all yell at each other for hours and then she'd get sent to her room for about 10 minutes, then that'd be it. Now, I, on the other hand, once got punished for two months. Wasn't allowed to leave my room, and, as you mentioned in an earlier post, had all my privileges revoked. It sucked. But, now, I understand why my parents did what they did.

Now this girl is a straight-up rebel. Tattooed at 17 before it was even legal in MA at 21. So she was breaking two laws right there. She drank, smoke, did drugs, made her way leisurely around the student body, and stayed out all hours of the night.

My parents have always been firm with us. The way they succeeded, though, I think is because they kept those "forbidden" things from being alien to us. My brother and I were allowed to drink at 18, only if we were in the house and we weren't going anywhere that night. We willingly gave our car keys to our parents and they locked them away for the night. My father told me when I was a teenager that he would take me to get my first tattoo done when I was 18, to make sure it was done properly, safely and legally. We also really never had any strict curfews ever. They only wanted to know where we were. As a tween/teen, if I were at a friends house and I was going to be there until late, I would simply call them and let them know that I would be there, and wouldn't be home until later. Or if I was one place, and left there to go somewhere else, I would just give them a heads up. And once I did return home, I would let them know when I got in. This allowed me to not really feel the need to stay out late, since they didn't care, but it also kept me from staying out until crazy hours, because I didn't want to be coming in and waking them at, say, three in the morning. Now we can come in whenever we want and they really don't care, but then again, we are adults, ourselves. But it's because of the way we were brought up, that, our of respect, I instinctively let them know where I'm going and when I plan to be home, simply so they aren't up worrying all night.

But, at the same time, I did get my fair share of punishments, if I didn't follow their simple rules.

It's as easy as that.

posted 07-20-2006 07:15 PM               

quote:

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Originally posted by Twyzzlyr:
Jersey, I find the candy cigarettes etc to be just as disgusting. And may I add, how many people do you know that started smoking around age 13? I can name quite a few.

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I dunno my whole thing is everyone in my family smokes, besides me. I have had access to candy cigarettes and that beef jerky stuff all my life. *shrugs* I just don't have an addictive personality. My brother started smoking when he was 12 or so... AND successfully hid it until he was about 14.

When my mom caught him she sat him down and was yelling at him- while chain smoking. At one point she stopped and said, "Yes I know I'm a hypocrite."

posted 07-20-2006 07:33 PM            

Hope you can stay. (Yes. I'm serious.)

Anyway, I love candy cigarettes a lot. It's pure sugar, and I can get a pack for 25 cents each, which makes it the least expensive candy around.

But I would never, ever smoke. My dad has cancer (not from smoking, but I'm more likely to get it anyway, and smoking could make me even more vulnerable to it.) and I have asthma, which means smoking would make me even more of an idiot. Plus there's the fact that no one would want to kiss me, I'd smell bad all the time, my skin would look horrible, my lungs would turn ash black, I'd probably die sooner, and I'd be spending hundreds of dollars a year. I mean, if nothing else, I like my money. It gets me to places like London, where I can see Idina Menzel live. Obviously, I care about my health more than money, but spending so much cash on a cancer stick? No thanks.

posted 07-20-2006 07:50 PM            

Do you want them, or do you think you can gather what to do and what not to do on your own?

posted 07-20-2006 11:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ms.Cooper:
Thank you, your very sweet for saying so, and for being so gracious to me.

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Ah, no problem. It was getting boring on here. (But it's not anymore so no one should be getting any ideas. )

posted 07-21-2006 12:43 PM               

from what i caught up on, was someone not just talking about kids today are spoiled and not punished properly and are able to get away with pretty much anything?

so ebitch, its great that you baught Wicked and would like to try to educate yourself in the literary works of Gregory Maguire but i for one, will not be so easily persuaded.
whether or not you were "kidding" or that you "don't feel like being a bitch anymore" is irrelevant to me. you cannot just say SORRY or OOPS and expect everything to better...it doesnt work like that.
you insulted us and our character and i will not be so quick to forgive.

so i accept that you are a member of he boards, but like we told another member hoping to right herself...tread lightly. very very lightly. i am going to be skeptical of everything you say.

posted 07-21-2006 03:40 PM            

Another band (although you may know of them already) is Ben Folds Five. Lots of piano-based music.

posted 07-21-2006 04:10 PM               

quote:

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Originally posted by helenbooktrip:
so ebitch, its great that you bought Wicked and would like to try to educate yourself in the literary works of Gregory Maguire but i for one, will not be so easily persuaded.
whether or not you were "kidding" or that you "don't feel like being a bitch anymore" is irrelevant to me. you cannot just say SORRY or OOPS and expect everything to better...it doesnt work like that.

...tread lightly. very very lightly. i am going to be skeptical of everything you say.

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mmmm... skeptical?
Yep!

forgive and forget...
Nope!

No soul of high estate can take pleasure in slander. It betrays a weakness.
-Blaise Pascal